10 Things Thursday

10 songs on My summer Playlist:




1.) Cheap Thrills....Sia
2.) Hell No.....Ingrid Michaelson
3.) Can't stop the Feeling.....Justin Timberlake
4.) Ride....Twenty-one Pilots
5.) Lost Boy.....Ruth B.
6.) Me too.....Meghan Trainer
7.) Pillow Talk.....Zayne
8.) No.....Meghan Trainer
9.) Send My love......Adele
10.)Better Place....Rachel Platten


What's on your list?

10 things Thursday

recently we had to fill out a questionnaire and one of the questions was, List your families strengths.  We all went over it together during family meeting and here is what we came up with. (and no it's not easy to practice all these things every day....we are a work in progress)


1.) We are strong Advocates for each other
2.) We are close with extended family, we get to spend lots of time with our cousins.
3.) We are active in the community
4.) We work on our kindness and thinking outside ourselves every day
5.) We have High expectations for everyone
6.) We teach and practice gratitude (three good things, etc...)
7.) Everyone is held accountable for their actions, words, behavior and attitude
8.) Traditions are highly valued
9.) Teaching and practicing financial literacy and good body health choices is a priority.
10.) Time spent with each other is valued more than things

On being a Dad (by Leo Babauta)

On Being a Dad

By Leo Babauta

Being a dad is messy … not just the many spills and broken dishes and dirty kitchens and finger-painted walls you have to clean up, but messy because nothing ever goes as planned.
It’s messy because you start out with the best of intentions, hoping to be super dad and loving and perfect, and then it all goes to hell.

Things get said, tempers flare, feelings get hurt, you get mad at each other. Kids never turn out as planned, and neither does your life. You hope for one thing, and get a wonderful mess in return. How I love the mess I’ve gotten.

I never planned to be the dad of six kids. I had two with my first wife, and I love them desperately. I married my second wife, and inherited two more, and I love them with all my heart. Then we made two more, and I love them all so much I am overwhelmed when I let myself feel it.
Being a father is about uncertainty. You create a kid, and you are flooded with uncertainty, because you don’t know how to do any of this. You don’t know how your kids will turn out, and you don’t know what the hell you’re doing. All of a sudden, you’re up to bat, and the pressure is on you, not just to provide, not just to keep a fragile human being alive, but to be their role model, to shape them, to make them happy. And none of it comes with a manual.

They have problems, like a kid teased them at school, or bullied them, they’re struggling with motivation or boredom or fitting in … and you don’t know how to deal with any of it. You try your best, but in the end you don’t know. It’s filled with uncertainty.
This uncertainty can be terrifying. You’re not just playing a video game here, these are real lives you’ve been given to steward. Your heart is flooded with the fear of uncertainty, and you don’t admit to yourself that you’re scared.

So how do you make it through this uncertainty? The dad way is to try to find certainty: come up with a solution, fix things, create a system, teach them a method, create lists, be on top of it. This is all an illusion, because even after your systems and methods, you still don’t know crap. It’s still uncertain.

The only way through uncertainty is love.

Being a dad is about uncertainty, but it’s also about love. You are scared witless, and yet you make it through all of this because you love them endlessly, you are undone by your love for them.
You do whatever you can for them, despite the fears, amidst the uncertainty, because you love them.
You aren’t alone, of course. You are joined in this uncertain journey by their loving mother(s), who are amazing and who bear the brunt of the burdens and messiness and uncertainty. You have their loving grandparents, their aunts and uncles, everyone around you helping these kids through life, helping you deal with the uncertainty. The love of all these wonderful people help you through.
In the end, they grow up and become adults, and then the uncertainty only increases. You don’t know how they’ll deal with life, but you know they’ll be amazing, because they too have learned to live amidst the uncertainty anchored in the unending groundlessness by their love.

Happy Father's day to the Dad who loves us through the real and the uncertainty and the  mess :)

10 things Thursday

10 things I can do to show I care.....


1.) Show up for their important days


2.)  exercise together, take interest in their interests.


3.) listen


4.) do what I say I am going to, be loyal.


5.) be the one to make the plans.


6.) call or text, ask how their day was.


7.) Do their laundry (or something else extra) :)


8. tell them I care, that they are important, that they are doing good,  and how proud of them I am.


9.) give little gifts, leave notes, surprise them.


10.) ask them how I can help.

10 things Thursday

1.)  The End of year is fast approaching and Were' all a little bit checked out from school.  Kids going to bed between 9 and 10, scraping up things for lunches (why don't you just get hot lunch another day), the sign up geniuses, and requests for field trip volunteering get a quick archive in the gmail.  We're just done.


2.)  My oldest baby is graduating from 8th grade on June 10th.   HIGH SCHOOL next year.  The beginning of the end.  Oh,  the anxiety.  I'm so worried I'm running out of time to teach him everything I want to, but I know time is not going to slow down for anyone. Because I have never done this before, of course I worry about him the most.  Teenagers- I'm too new to this game to give any advice there....I loved this one (Soulemama)


Did I argue with my teenager this morning about chores not being done, about pushing boundaries too far, about respect and dating and family expectations? Or did I spend a long morning chatting about politics with a thoughtful, engaged and insightful young man, only to drop him off with his friends and overhear him speak kindly and compassionately to his peers and sweetly to his girlfriend and confidently to his teacher….all leading to me to believe he’s going to be just fine? Likely BOTH of those things at once. The teen years – like all other years, though perhaps amplified more than other years – is full of SO MUCH. There are incredibly challenging moments, and incredibly beautiful ones too. But without a doubt, I have to tell you that I LOVE having teenagers. For certain, I have feared these years, thinking it was far easier when I could just tuck them into the sling, or breastfeed a crying child, or chase away the worries of the world with just the right bedtime lullaby. And to a degree, that’s true.
But, oh, how amazing it is to parent these growing people! How much I learn from them, am stretched by them constantly to grow, and reevaluate my own thinking about the world. They do not overnight turn into the scary monsters that the culture and media would have us believe. They’re the same souls they were before they hit puberty, and our connection to one another as a family remains as strong as it ever was, only deepening with time. They still need us as parents – it’s just that it’s late night conversations in the kitchen instead of the lullabies. It is a true joy to watch them becoming more and more of who they are each day and each year. And a total gift to realize that not only do we love them (of course), but we really actually like them a whole lot too!






3.) It's official.  J is changing Jobs to a company who hopefully will reward his talent a little bit better.  This guy is business savy (and leaving to go onto bigger and better things within 5 years is pretty much the career track for his current company).  His new company is based in Seattle,  but we are staying put for now.  We are all looking forward to having him home a bit more.  The last three years were hard on him and all of us.  He is the engaged Dad who loves to play pass in the yard after school.  Being away was not his wheelhouse, even if he did get to travel the world. As we speak we're stressfully trying to work out the details of insurance, start dates and summer plans.  We're getting out into the community and our calendar is getting filled with friend gatherings :) 


4.)  The oldest boy loves old time 80s rock.  He's got Guns and Roses on the top of his pre-game sych up playlist.   He also injured his leg in last weeks BIG game (in the warm up!), and didn't get to play, his heart was broken.  But he is handling it ok and is confined to practicing in the yard for now.


5.)  In response to all the "noise" being posted about parenting over the last week,  a good Friend of mine posted this on her FB page:


We are also lucky to have supportive families and friends, a safe and close knit neighborhood, and enough money to spend on the parenting books that are currently collecting dust on the shelf. I'm going to read them as soon as things slow down a little around here.
Until then, fellow parents, I will stand with you as we all marvel at the wonders that are our collective offspring and try not to make any mistakes that the psychotherapy fund won't cover.
Should you find yourself in a big parenting fix, I will offer my support and I will count on you to do the same. We are all in this beautiful, unpredictable, joyous, and heart stretching thing together after all. ‪#‎ittakesavillage




6.) The girl is 11 going on 25.  She sleeps in like it's her job.  Her favorite sayings are "JK" and "same" and "I KNOW mom, (with a hand and a little eye roll".   she is ridiculous independent. She is currently planning her end of year sleepover with all her friends.  She has Big dreams. More alike than different.

7.) Because. Momastery.


http://momastery.com/blog/2014/01/07/quit-pointing-avocado/


8.)  So much stuff getting done at the house.  A new front lawn that waters itself.  New garage doors.  Porch steps, check.  deck stained. A little retail therapy in fixing some things that have bugged us for the last 10 years.



9.) The littlest boy ended up quitting lacrosse 2 weeks into the season and we let him.  Keeping it real, the schedule was too much for me with both boys and he wasn't really into it.  We decided he is  going to take a good long activity BREAK.  If he begs to do something, we might consider it into next year.  He's coming home after school and watching videos (until we yell at him to put it away and come downstairs) and then inventing new marble tracks and trying out his new roller blades.  He doesn't much care for doing homework, but we let the teacher take care of those consequences.  He makes his own meals for dinner b/c he doesn't like anything.  He seems happy with life right now and we're good with that. 


10.) The garden is planted!  The pool is open!    Each year my motivation gets revived but I'm a little more realistic about what will actually grow and what I can maintain.  The yellow lilac that my Grandmother gave me bloomed for the first time.  The warm winter will make for an abundant fruit tree season for the peaches and apples.  I can't wait.  Early evening walks in the yard are the best.    I'm so grateful for the constant inspiration my kids give me.  Someday, these will be the good old days......






While pretty much everything I intentionally read encourages a slow, purposeful, pared down lifestyle, sometimes that advice–or too much of it, at least–creates the same kind of stress for me as a fast and full and cluttered life. Because it makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong. Sometimes our life is fast and full and cluttered, not because we make bad choices or have the wrong priorities, but because it just is. For little windows of time. So I open up those windows, accept them for what they are, and learn to take slow breaths on fast days. Find pockets of peace among the crazy, create them when I can, but hold my hands up roller coaster style and laugh when the world is rushing by quickly, knowing the ride will slow down soon. And when I get really good at this, I can read the slow living advice and take in the parts that inspire me. And I can wave to my meditating, tea-sipping friend who sold all her belongings to live a more purposeful life on a farm where she turns clay into pottery and sheep wool into blankets (when she’s not doing yoga or writing poetry)–and know that each of our lives are good and meaningful, and we’re both doing the best damn job we can.
-Kelle Hampton
 

The Big Recital

You don’t ever drop your sieve in parenting. It’s a constant job this standing in the river and sifting, sifting, sifting through pebbles of diaper changing and breakfast making and homework checking and laundry folding and appointment making and fight breaking and driving to the next soccer practice you signed them up for before you realized if they win, you spend every waking hour of your life at tournament games that require your weekends, your wallet and your kidney if they so request. Some days it’s a dangerous job–and it takes your breath away as you tread further in the river–knee-deep, waist-deep, over the shoulders–holding them up as you help them withstand the currents of heartache. Mean girls. Rejection. Loss. Failure. Insecurity. And even if it’s days, weeks, months before you see flecks of gold shimmering again beneath the water, you stay in the river and wait. Because you know they’ll come. And when they do, you scoop them up and celebrate. Buy hair glitter, arrange bouquets, take pictures, gather family and write blog posts about that shimmering little nugget of a ballet recital. And before you know it, you’re finding gold in more places–bits of it catching your eye even in the fiercest currents.

-Kelle Hampton

This my friends was absolute gold.  Every time this girl hits the stage, all the " she can'ts" we ever heard in her life completely vaporize.  The show was so good that even if I didn't have a kid in it, I would love watching.  The music, the theme, the smiles, the tears.  Get's me every time.  It is just so, so special. 

 for the second number, I told her to make sure she smiled and looked like she was having fun up there.  She smiled like this  the whole darn time. 

 Selfies and recital make up.  I'm so m so proud of my girl. 

 My view on recital day,  the finale and the graduation dance gets me every time.  Tears.....

 and a family who supports and shows up and buys you flowers and cards.......even better.  So proud of these boys :) 

 It was a special day. 

a week in our life

Continue to scroll down to see all 7 of the the posts :)  Enjoy!

a week in the Life Sunday

this is Sunday...we made it to the end of another week!

to quote Ali:

Say hello to your in-depth opportunity to be an observer of your life. Look for the stories. Look for the rhythms. Look for the routines. Look for what brings you the most joy. Look for the spaces you are currently being challenged (how can you embrace, learn, grow, accept, expand, open, move forward). Look for the little things that are evidence of your existence. 
The truth, my friends, is that we never know when our "everyday" will change. Capture what it is real for you right now. I have no idea what is in store for me this week beyond what I know is on my calendar - that places I need to be, the things I need to do. The gift I give myself are the photos that capture the pieces of my life this week.


These photos and these stories are the gift I leave to my family.  We were here.  I bring You Sunday....

 Sunday the boys were up early to head off to an all day pretty far away tournament.  It was a bummer to be separated again since J was leaving tomorrow for yet another work trip, but the weather was yucky, I had a lot to do here and we weren't all going to be able to go.  We divide and conquer most often when it comes to sports.  Still we are grateful to be able to give them this experience. 

 We all get our chores done today since it's an inside kind of day.  20 degrees colder than yesterday.

 The big boys bookshelves right now.  I want to remember how he's holding on to some of the things that were important to him when he was younger.  I want to remember how he is sensitive and sentimental just like his Mom.

 a good day for a hot shower and a blow dry.  I'm so overdue for a haircut.

 We hop in the car for errands.  We started shopping a new grocery store and shopping center about 4 months ago and have stuck with it for the proce savings.  Car selfies for the win.

 They remember to bring the dog out right before we leave.  They mostly take responsibility for this now and enjoy it. 

 she watches him play games in the car on the Kindle.

 we get to Target (usually only visit here once a month), for some household supplies and a new shirt/dress for her band concert on Tuesday.  She's pretty much grown out of everything.  I get everything I need between Target, Sam's club and Market basket.  I tend to stock up on the things I use all the time even though running back to the store is pretty easy.  For someone I'm always afraid of running our of things.

 He likes to push the cart. 

Looks like games are going good except for the weather.

The grocery store is packed.  Everyone saved their shopping for the worst weather of the weekend day.  We try to have a little fun to get us through.  Sometimes L brings a calculator to the grocery store and adds up stuff as we go along.  He usually is pretty close to the total.  I used to be better about coming up with fun little educational things for them to do when they were smaller.  Now, not as much.

 We get home and out it all away, she makes her snack for tomorrow with a new little container she begged me for in Target. 

 Trying on her concert outfit (which she ended up missing because Lucas was sick and I didn't''t have anyone to bring her.....not as easy to ask someone to give your kids with a disability a ride to something, (keeping it real, yes, the truth, trigger major Mom meltdown). 

 She helped with the laundry later in the afternoon and we felt pretty ready for the week and another week missing Daddy.

 They get home from their game frozen to the core.  We were all in our jammies before long.  We decided on homemade OJ to have with dinner.

 still in catch up mode before he leaves again.  I want to remember how good it feels just to have him home.  I can breathe out a little knowing I have a partner in this really hard thing called parenting.  There are so many problems to solve and decisions to be made at this time of our lives.  So many things changing so fast.  I'm grateful for all the ups and downs. 

 another awesome family dinner..

 He doesn't have a lot of time for the piano right now.  I would love to do everything and so would he, but we just can't.  I love when he sits down to play even though he forgets parts of my favorite songs.  I hope he sticks with it for life. 

 T corrects his Math test.  I think it's interesting how the teacher asks them to tell how they felt about how they did on top.

 They reconnect with a daily walk. 

 and some snuggle wrestle time.  I miss doing football wrestle tackle when they were little. 

 tired but getting it done.  I'm proud of the student he is.  He cares (sometimes too much). 

this dog gets oh too much love and blankets and stuffed animals and snuggles and treats and squeezes and ear pulls.  so good this one.  Well that wraps up this week.  This was our Sunday, our week, and our life.  I love looking back at these photos and these stories to see what changes and what says the same.  So grateful for all of it.