Tuesday is the day I always pick Trevor up at school. It used to be because he had swimming lessons and it was nice to get home a little earlier before we had to go. Now that lessons are over, it's just nice to see Trevor's smiling face coming down the hall at the end of the day and it's my day off anyway.
A lot of times, I like to bring Breanna with me to the school to practice walking holding hands in from the car and she LOVES to watch the buses and play on the playground. A lot of other Mom's are there waiting to pick up their kids and you can tell that Breanna makes them a little uncomfortable at times (she is very LOUD usually when she tries to verbalize things). I don't really care however, but it's hard for me to try to strike up a conversation with a Mom I don't really know because I feel like I don't really fit in with them. I think it's more me than them b/c I see them walking out of school with their typically developing daughters and I sometimes look at them and wonder if Breanna will ever be there, running and playing with her friends, listening to her i-pod, or texting on her cell phone. I can't help but feel a little sad about it. Maybe that will get better with time, or maybe it won't.
The weather was beautiful, sun shining, cool breeze blowing. I see Trevor's bright shining face coming down the hallway to greet me. Did you have a good day at school? , I asked, He said, Yeah, Can we play on the playground? Sure, I said. I asked Breanna if she wanted to play, she said, YEAH!, so off we went. Trevor ran full speed with two of his buddies to the monkey bars. and proceeded to fool around, standing on top, climbing and using their best potty-talk boy playground conversations with each other. It is really a hoot to see.
Breanna navigated the playground with ease, but hersometimes funny walk and loud voice, some people would stare at her. Then Trevor's friend said to him, Trevor your little baby sister is REALLY WEIRD!. Trevor could have cared less and really just ignored the whole thing and went about playing and laughing. But for me, I felt the lump come up into my throat. This is just the beginning I thought. This really caught me off guard. Do I say something to the little boy explaining that Breanna has Down Syndrome and what that means?? or maybe his mom? What would I even say? I guess I haven't really prepared myself for this yet. I decided to ignore the whole thing and head toward home. I felt that lump again, thinking of how long this journey will be through the school years, not just for me, but for my sons as well. Now, I really don't expect a first grader to understand what Down Syndrome is, really. But what scares me is the fact that there are so many older people out there who don't understand it at all. Another scary thing is now that Breanna is getting older, others are going to start having expectations of how she should be especially when they don't realize her disability. She's not just hidden at home anymore or at her special preschool. I'm not scared for me, I'm scared for my boys. They don't have the adult sense and reasoning skills yet. How will it affect them when people make comments about Breanna to them, or don't want to visit the house because of her? All I want is for her to run and play with her friends, and do the things that kids do. I know it won't be easy, I don't expect life to be. That is why it will be oh so great when I can look back on this post and know we have gotten there.....