reflections of Motherhood......Inspiring

Pause the Music.....

and more inspiration here. here. your life story here. Thanks Ali Edwards!

and about letting go here. and cool Lunch boxes here....

and I haven't watched this one yet but it looks interesting.....

365::239

And just like that....on a hot 94 degree day you are off to third grade at a new school on a bus that comes an hour earlier without a worry in the world.......

and we grownups and little brother are off to figure out a whole new normal.

365::238 (from five years ago)

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

by
Emily Perl Kingsley.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Five years ago.......

Your heart was made new.

And I think you had the fastest recovery ever.

And we were reminded of the miracle that you are, today we still need that reminder. What a roller coaster it has been, but today, Holland is growing on us........Love you, girl.

365::237 (the wedding)

Be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse I Love You

Go to work, do your best, don't outsmart your common sense

Never let your prayin knees get lazy

And love like crazy

The wedding.......the highlight of the summer. A beautiful day, a beautiful bride, they will have a beautiful life. We ate, we drank, and we danced.....because there is way too much life to celebrate. Wishing two very special people a lifetime a happiness.....and thank you for all the dancing and fun! I'll never forget it as long as I live......

365::236

And then there were NINE! (8 and under!)

and I'm feeling a bit sentimental this evening as we head off to the last of our family gatherings (and Jessica's wedding!) tomorrow. We only get times like these like once or twice a year.....which means that by the time Trevor is 16 (and too busy with jobs and friends for it all) and Ryan is 8, we would have only all gotten together like 8-10 times. AS the kids are getting older, it's so fun to get to know them all each year....they all are so unique. I'm going to make it my life's mission to get to know the ins and outs of each of them.

We always have so much to pack into the short times we have together. Sometimes it's tiring, sometimes the kids are melting down, sometimes we are melting down. But all I know is that I Love them all so much, more than anything. I would push ANYTHING else aside in my life not to miss these moments, they pass by all too quickly. I would take any of those kids home and love them like my own and I know they would do the same. No matter what else happens in our lives, They all make my life complete.

365::235

Lot's of fun today, having a sleepover at the lake, playing with cousins, relaxing, soaking up newborn baby goodness, and hanging with family......Good times.

365::234

We LOVED....

meeting Ryan for the very first time, so soft and cuddly with that new baby smell......

365::233

We Loved.....

• Finding the GPS
• The Bald Mountain hike, view and fire tower (a 5 hour, STEEP, 2.6 mile hike in which NO ONE had to be carried)
• Carving out BLT
• Being REALLY close to three loons
• Our Duck friends.....Jimmy, Todd and Steve
• Everything

365::232

We Loved.......

• Hot Chocolate in the Mornings
• The loons....singing us to sleep every night
• The sunsets
• watching the stars come out and wishing on the first one

365:232

We Loved.....

• Round top (with our secret beverage)
• Our FIRST Geocache-The shoe closet
• Lucas in his hiking shoes
• The canoe rides and Bre grabbing her own lifejacket
• Dodging the rain
• Cascade Falls
• The roller Coaster
• 
  

365::231

We loved......

• The 6 am Kayak rides, coffee in hand
• Spending hours around the campfire....the talks, the stories
• Trevor's optimistic attitude, "if it rains....I'll just put my hood up", "It could be worse, we could be in a thunderstorm!"
• Lobster and steak for dinner
• Taking Lucy on her morning "swim"
• Trevor learning how to Kayak around the whole lake by himself and loving it
• quiet time.....writing in journals, listening to music and stories, unplugging
• the breakfasts
• Lucas showing us "his moves"
• Trevor: "Mountains make great backgrounds"

365::230

Mornings.....

I'll always remember long after these snuggly days are gone how you two jump into bed with me and how Trevor always says, "Hi Mom....". I always want to roll over and go back to sleep (until like 6:30), and I'll remember how Breanna hides under her covers and waits for someone to find her....precious:)

365::229

AS we quickly approach the last weeks of summer, we end up feeling like we haven't done this enough. Somehow, work and chores got in the way of us fully enjoying the best summer weather ever (those things happen...) So tonight, we ended up down here for two hours, not caring what time the dinner bell rang, and the children going to bed un-bathed so as to add just a little more sand between their sheets. THIS never gets old (even in February)........After our TAKE OUT dinner, we sat around the living room, glass of wine in hand and did a puzzle (Bre is AMAZING at puzzles). We talked about our dreams for our upcoming vacation, what we wanted to be for Halloween, and what we were going to be when we grew up. As far as the vacation goes, we're going Kayaking every morning, making egg breakfast sandwiches (Just like at Boy scout Camp),
hiking all day (and trying out Geocaching) and campfires and watching the stars come out every night. Here's hoping for good weather. As far as Halloween goes, Trevor will be Luke Skywalker and Lucas maybe R2D2 or Yoda. And as far as growing up, Lucas looked at me proudly and said, " UMMM, I want to be a Butterfly" ....Here's to being a butterfly :)

P.S. Lucas is sleeping in his new/old hiking shoes tonight.......

365::228

These kids LOVE playing Street Hockey.....I just LOVE their expressions!

365::227

We have been doing everything we can to get Bre ready for Kindergarten in just a few short weeks! Today, we went to the school, visited with the teacher again and her preschool teacher even met us (who, to my surprise, lives 40 mins away....that's dedication!-LOVE you Karyn!). We met the new principal (who to my delight has a special needs child attending our school as well) and one of the special ed teachers. We've visited the playground, we've read stories, looked at pictures of all her teachers and therapists, and we've talked all about it. Sometimes you ask Bre if she's going on the bus and she says "YES" sometimes, she says, "NO". The other day we pulled into the playground and she said, "my school!". I think she may be getting it. Whenever we go in, I pray that she doesn't do something to totally embarrass me (even though I'm used to it). Today she went running full speed down the hallway and hid. Bre's regular classroom teacher agreed with my philosophy that she NEEDS to follow all the same rules as any other kid. If everyone does everything for her, she's never learn to do it on her own---and I KNOW she will. I keep having dreams about the bus, especially how embarrassing it could be on the first day if she refuses to get on. I'm sure a lot if Kindergarteners have trouble, but she's already different. I know she will be a special part of the school I can't shake the feeling that the school will not be ready for her. It WILL be fine, but........

To give you a sense of what I'm feeling, let's describe this scenario. Picture your
TWO year old, and all their abilities to tell you about their day, to answer questions, to dress themselves, to use the bathroom, to communicate and make friends. Then, picture putting that two year old (who is generally nervous about being around loud noises, and lots of strangers and freaks out at the feeling of being out of control) on a bus (with a seatbelt) getting off and getting into their classroom, taking care of their own backpack, clothes and bathroom issues, and having them make their way through a full 6 hrs and 15 minutes of school with a classroom of kids three times older than them, 6-7 different teachers, therapists and helpers telling them where to go, what to do, and how to interact, when all they want to do is play with the dolls in the corner. Then this TWO year old must get back on the bus and come home, only to be able to tell you nothing about what just happened to them for the last 6.5 hrs (including busride).......nervous yet???

365::226

FINALLY.....

After 8 long months of battles, crying, making ourselves sick and even doctor visits, I think we are there (knock on wood), it's been rough. Some parts of baby hood I'm sentimental about, this, not so much....

365::225

Cub scouts Fun Pack weekend....

sleeping in tents

time alone with Dad and friends

shooting BB guns and bow and arrows

swimming

nature

crafts

skits

games

hiking

campfire and S'mores(staying up until 11 PM!)

Every Boys dream

365::224

Girl stuff.

While Josh and Trevor were at a camping trip with the cub scouts, I decided to go up to the lake today last minute to hang out with Kevin and the kids and Mom and Dad. I'm so glad I did. My favorite part was hanging out with my niece. I think we had like a two hour conversation about skinny jeans, a boy who like to eat ketchup and mustard and his fruit (GROSS!) and cool barrettes (I let her wear mine). I explained to her about Down syndrome (and she agreed to be Breanna's special helper whenever the cousins are together), she explained to me about how you can wear flip flops to school as long as you bring extra shoes for gym or field day. She did Breanna's nails in Gammie's pink nail polish. It's going to be a while until I have these conversations with my own daughter, so I feel so blessed to have 4 awesome nieces to hang out with. They are all GREAT kids.....we are so blessed.

365::223

Last Day.

There were hugs, and tears, and smiles and more hugs. You will always be a part of Shooting Stars (there's a picture of you on their sign!) and they will always be a part of you. In the time that you were there, they grew from 6 kids to something like 40. I can't them enough for making us a part of their family, and for how they loved you. After feeling sad and anxious about you moving on for most (if not all ) of the summer (and REALLY just wanting to leave Holland totally), suddenly I feel the calm of us being in a good place. Ok, well I'll be a lot calmer a month from now, but I know you are ready. You are going places girl!

365:222

Moving up and Moving on.....

Bre's getting some lessons from her big brother on the rules of her new playground. I LOVE these later summer days, the weather is cooler and fall is in the air. I'm loving cleaning out the house, bit, by bit. I love getting rid of stuff. Today I donated 7 bags to Goodwill. I'm feeling good about things. WE haven't gotten to do everything we wanted to this summer, work schedules and house projects just seemed to get in the way. But we're going to be taking some amazing memories with us. And , Luckily....it's not over yet!

365::221

Our garden is bursting with things to harvest! Today we harvested 15 cucumbers, 5 tomatoes (and we are on the brink of about 50 more), wildflowers and basil. Lucas helped me make some homemade pesto (I didn't use a recipe) and we froze that. I promised him to make some banana bread tomorrow morning (this little guy is REALLY into cooking). Also, Breanna had her first private tour of her new school, lunchroom, bathroom and Kindergarten classroom, courtesy of her wonderful teacher (LOVE HER!). We said goodbye to one of her teachers at Shooting Stars that she has had for three years :( WE love you Ruth, you are family to us and we'll miss you! It's her last week at shooting Stars. WE love it there but she is ready. Moving up, and Moving on....its a good thing.

365::220

Today.....

Let's talk about fashion. Kristen and I had a Mom's day out. We shopped, we laughed, we tried stuff on, we ate, we drank beers, we tried more stuff on, we dealt with some interesting sales people, we looked at shoes. Now I'm not hugely into clothes and fashion....I shop at Goodwill often (which is a good thing to do), but we found ourselves in this store Delia's where I think the maximum age to try anything on was like 23. Kristen said, we're going to try on these jeans (they were buy one get one half off and you got a ten dollar coupon just for trying them on!). Ok, what the heck. We'll..... they fit (and I can't even pretend I'm back to pre-kids weight), and they kind of even looked good (for a date night maybe). SO they came home with me and so did a cool pair of sandals to go with those jeans, a dress for the wedding, and a second dress just because..... it fit so well. And yes, ladies....apparently bell bottoms are out and the tuck and roll (of the pants) is back (some things about seventh grade I'd like to forget!) I have to admit, it was kind of nice feeling carefree and almost twenty again (even if it was just for an afternoon!) and hey, my birthday is only two months away.

365::219

Eight

happy birthday!

Happy Birthday Grandma-You are my inspiration.......

365::218

Last night.....

we headed out to the Sea Dogs game for great junk food, beverage, a little baseball and the kids could have some quality time with their grandparents. Breanna had a tough time with the crowd, so we ended the night a little early, but it was really fun!

and Today......

I don't have one picture of it, but the Days came over and we did so much! Kevin and Josh went over to the neighbor's house for the day to help in a family/friend effort to build a dream backyard patio for Brian (our neighbor) who is undergoing a stem cell transplant in Boston this summer for Leukemia. We will surprise him with it when he gets home at the end of August, It came out amazing, and we were so touched by the Kevin's willingness to come and give a whole day's labor to a total stranger. In the evening, we headed down to OOB for some more great junk food (pizza, Pier fries and ice cream) and the kids rode some of the rides (again, not one picture!) And yes, my kids are the one's who cry at amusement parks b/c apparently there is such thing as too much fun! Good times.

365::217

Today.......

Josh and I both ran the beach to Beacon 10K road race. It was a PERFECT day for a race 65 and sunny, no wind. I have to say I have never run a 10K before and it was really fun to start with this one. We didn't get very many good pictures (but I managed one of the HUGE line of porta- potties), it was just a great experience and even though there were ALOT of hills....the crowd there made it seem not so long.....maybe we'll do it again next year (and Jeff and Irene----you guys are in for next year too!)

365::216

My first try at the big race tomorrow. This non-distance runner is going to run 6.2 miles!

365::215

I hope this little boy's bad day (and in turn his parent's bad day) made it be a really good day for other people out there.....

My neighbor and friend Brain got his Stem cell transplant today. He called it his "new birthday". I hope and pray he is on his way to bing cancer free.

I have been at work for 17 of the last 25 hours. Unfortunately I missed what seemed to be a 23 hour meltdown. He's refusing to use the potty again, and nothing else seems to be going his way. It's one of those times when Josh and I are just vacuuming together after the kids go to bed to get our frustrations out. Then we sit down and talk about what we could have done better and what is wrong with our life.

The story: We're trying to get the dinner dishes done. A BIG little voice comes up to us with a nerf sword and says, "GIVE ME BACK MY TIC TACS RIGHT NOW OR I'LL SWORD YOU!) The Dad of the little voice takes the tic tacs (which was all the little voice ate for dinner by the way) and throws them out the door as far into the woods as they could go. A supreme meltdown had begun and there was no stopping it after that.

Earlier in the day......I was at work and I turned to my friend Elaine (who has two boys, 18 and 15) and said, "well at least you can be happy that potty training is just a distant memory for you..." and she said, "every stage has it's challenges" which made me wonder......it never does get any easier, does it?

Parents work so hard, and most of the time in the earlier years we are just knee deep in S*@&! WE think to ourselves, "It's OK, b/c there will be a reward someday for all of it...." That is how we get through it.

On top of it all, there is a little tiny baby (too far away) that I'm just DYING to hold. So, I can relish in someone else's joy for a while, make all of this "stuff" go away, and remember how easy it was, "back then" when I could just cuddle them, hold them, feed them and change them. They just slept, ate, cooed and played. We thought it was hard back then....after we had our first baby b/c we were a little sleep deprived. What will we think about potty training in a few years (we'll definitely be laughing at ourselves)..............It never get's any easier, does it?

365::214

I want to remember: (eight years old)

Your little voice and your big front teeth

How you hold Lucas' hand in parking lots (and get him out of his car seat) wherever we go.

How you always want to know what's for breakfast the night before

How you say, HI Dad" and HI Mom."

How you love to take care of your siblings (and get them into trouble)

How you say your favorite thing in the world is "spending time with Mommy, Daddy, Lucas and Breanna"

How you want to (and try to) play the electric guitar

How you sing every song that comes on the radio

That you want an ear buds for your ipod shuffle

How you and Breanna have your little game where you call her Beenaeenaweenadinalinacheena

and she pretends to slap you across the face (and in general, you always watch out for her)

How you want to be a knight (with a horse?) for Halloween (yep, already decided)

How you love games, playing castle, nerf guns, anything sports related (especially basketball)

How you are really into Lucy and feed her every day at 3 o'clock

That you like taking 45 minutes to an hour to get ready for bed.

How you answer the phone.

That you are ALWAYS leaving your stuff around

That you are pretty much excited by anything we do

That you are super fun to be around.

Twist ice cream with rainbow jimmies

plain peanut butter sandwiches (no jelly) and you are still a picky eater

You can out together your own complicated lego ships now by following the directions

You are giddy with excitement about going to any type of theme or water park

You read in bed every night now and you help empty the dishwasher every day

That you want to grow your hair long and you hate taking showers

that you brush your teeth with Pop-Star toothpaste

That your best friends are Nick and Niall

That you sometimes argue and complain, but you are sensitive, fun loving and caring.

That I love you more that I thought I could love anybody:)

365::213

Our lives are the sum of each moment and interaction.

Each Day we work, eat, laugh, teach, play, read, remember.....

And work it all again the next day.

Within seemingly small moments we find opportunity

To build relationships, develop character, find joy

For the price of our time.

Life's most essential possibilities are realized at home.

Where we share, teach, grow, learn, serve, give

Our best without praise or fanfare.

Because every effort, every moment matters in the development of a person....

Nothing is really routine.

~Seeing the Everyday, the small things magazine

365::212

Happy 8th Birthday my sweet boy.....

We love you!

365::211

5 friends+1 Dad+sunshine+ street hockey+volleyball+cake+icecream+presents+baseball+

nerf guns+football+volleyball+basketball=one REALLY fun 8th birthday party

Fresh from the mouths of...

Me: Trevor, Breanna and Lucas....You have a little cousin. Lily and Emma have a new baby brother, Ryan, pretty soon we will get to see the new baby!

Lucas: Will he drive a his car to get here? Does he have his own car?