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This moment.

They were waiting patiently for Josh to finish the lights. Breanna just spontaneously wrapped her arms around her brothers (maybe to hug or maybe to strangle). I LOVE how all their arms are touching:)

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other. ~Burton Hillis

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Decorating Our Tree.....

I LOVE

• how you all loved taking out your Santa hats and wearing them
• That Bre was so into it the whole time (it's usually hit or miss with her) especially pointing to the exact spot that her ornaments needed to hang
• That Lucas loved taking out all his own ornaments
• How Bre put her Santa hat on the dog---priceless!
• The glow of their little faces around the tree
• the lights
• The handmade ornaments and garland
• That we took our time and enjoyed the moment

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And Finding Our Christmas Tree.....The story.

We headed on on the cold, but nice day to our favorite Beech Ridge Farm. We've been picking out our Christmas tree here since we moved to this town even before the kids (except for one year-I was pregnant with Lucas and we put up a fake tree---it just wasn't the same). Well, the tree crop seems to be getting thinner and thinner every year, so we walked around for what seemed like miles (and literally hours) across the whole field of trees looking for that "perfect one" "How about this one?" Trevor would say....."no I think I see a better one over there" and "Oh, it's to thin, too short, or it has a bald spot". I would have been happy with the first one we saw, but I was willing to take a "nice walk" The kids did great with all that walking, and then finally after the 50th tree that we thought was "the one", Lucas said," Just cut it already!" so we did, and we brought it home. It was short, but perfectly symmetrical and honestly we could have brought any tree home and it would have looked nice with all of our decorations. I hope these memories and traditions are something that the kids always take with them. I heart Christmas.

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Today, we headed over to the used ski sale. This sport is expensive, even for used stuff. We managed to find a few good deals, Trevor came home with everything, I came home with some boots, and Lucas came home with a helmet. And Bre, I'm not even close to ready to think about her on skis yet (although they do have a special program here.) Kids getting exercise, it's money well spent.

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Stringing up the lights......

got some lights at Lowe's and brought them home

got them up and realized that we didn't have enough

back to Lowe's for more lights, they ran out of the one's we needed

Back to a different Lowe's after the kids went to bed

brought them home and put some up, didn't really like them.

The next day, brought them back to Lowe's and got some new ones (cheaper). Stay tuned for the grand unveiling later this week!

AND, a moment. Trevor and Lucas were outside for a moment watching Josh string up our first set of lights. At that very moment, we got a three second snow shower. You would think that these kids had never seen snow before, they threw on their jackets and shouted, "it's snowing!" They ran up and down the driveway trying to catch a snowflake on their tongues. The simple pleasures of childhood.

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Giving Thanks 2010.

Good times. It didn't matter that I had to work until 2. We rotisserized and smoked a 19 lb turkey in 3 1/2 hours, it was PERFECT! Lucas kept yelling "It's Thanksgiving, did you know it's Thanksgiving today!" , he also asked what the hole in the turkey was for. We cooked everything from scratch and surprisingly it all came together quite easily. The smell of the turkey and onions and celery cooking. We used cloth napkins (on our laps) and a cloth table cloth. We held hands and went around the table saying what we were thankful for...Lucas was thankful for "leaves". If you were 8 or older, you got to use the "good" china. Breanna had 4 helpings of Turkey and Lucas and Trevor shared the leg. The Patriots won. We had chocolate pie and cheesecake for dessert, heaven! We added another entry to our gratitude box. Most everyone was Thankful for home. Breanna wrote all over herself and the dog with marker (washable). The kids all climbed into the chair after dinner, cuddled, tickled, laughed and watched football. Precious memories. I am thankful for my family and all the people in my life. They have impacted me in ways I have yet to even realize. We are all faced with struggles, stress & sadness in our lives, but I am thankful for this season, for the comforts of home and the people I love. Wishing you Peace today and always.....and save the neck for me....Clark!

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Thanksgiving Eve:

a boxing match

making pies

Listening to Christmas music

making plans for the upcoming season

a walk in the woods on a blustery day

re-inventing the playroom

hot chocolate

Charlie Brown Christmas

making cranberry sauce

and this year, so much to be thankful for. Kids who use the bathroom by themselves (and wash hands), kids who go to bed early and sleep all night, kids who no longer need booster seats or high chairs, kids who eat everything that we eat for dinner (finally!). It has been a long road to get here, some days I cried, some days I laughed, some days my heart was light and joyful, some days it was heavy, some days I prayed. I'm just thankful that I get to be here for all of it.

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AND....we turned up the music and danced.

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this game is Trevor's new love. He goes around the house asking anyone if they will play with him. I got beat a few times and won a few. BUT, it's usually Lucas that ends up playing. It's fun.

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A bathroom makeover .......and what we learned:

1) replacing a toilet takes 5 minutes, replacing a faucet takes 5 hours

2) the "studs" are never where you need them to be

3) a little paint changes everything

4) just get the matching furniture instead of trying to hunt all over for something just a little cheaper

5) when someone is under a sink, don't ask how you can help.

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It's basketball time!

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This boy.....

helps me put away the groceries every week now (he unpacks the bags by himself and I put away).

Loves to pretend he's grocery shopping at home and fills his cart with all kinds of "stuff" from around the house and then says, "how am I going to pay for all this?"

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Right Now.....

We dug out the old tape player so Trevor and I could listen to this book on tape every night while doing our "special time".

thinking about the holidays, decorating and finishing up my shopping

Looking forward to Turkey Trot race this afternoon at Trevor's school

still getting outside to run and ride bikes as the temperatures become more blustery and cold

looking forward to the weekend, Trevor's basketball game and starting our bathroom remodel.

needing to remind myself not to feel emotional about how Breanna didn't even seem like a part of her classroom today (when I was there). They had two substitutes.

Hanging out with a three year old all day, playing and making things and watching him grow and learn new things each day....it's amazing.

folding laundry

remembering an amazing human being. It's funny how loss in life makes us rethink EVERYTHING. It makes us notice every breath we take and feel grateful for every single ordinary moment. Life is precious.

Good News.

Barb came through her surgery with flying colors and might be home tomorrow! We love you Barb, You are an inspiration:)

Sad News.

Today, we lost (and the world lost) a mentor and friend. Eckart Horn (our young Church pastor) collapsed suddenly this morning passed away. Please pray for his family, wife and four young children. We are attending the prayer service tonight. It's wierd, last night I went to Karen's blog and I was Listening to tired of Wasting time . And Eckart's last Sermon this past Sunday (below) it's almost as if God's words were on his lips speaking to his own family. Life is not fair. These upcoming holidays just won't be the same......

It’s this time of the year again ..a difficult time for some and for others a good time ….one more Sunday ..Christ the King Sunday ..Thanks Giving and then the church year is over. In 2 weeks all starts again with Advent and a new Birth at Christmas.

Transition is the theme and the joys and difficulties of it ..the hopes and the despair ..both, side by side like the 2 lessons we heard from Isaiah and Luke. They talk about how bad things can become and about how well/good all matter of things will be. They talk about despair and hope, death and resurrection, Good Friday and Easter Morning. They talk about birthing pains ..transitions and change, they talk about humans and God.

How does one feel when you see your whole world falling apart in and around you? How do those Haitian people feel now ..who lost everything? How do you live with famine ..deadly floods and war?

But we do not need to go to other countries …..How do we live with the death of a child? How do we live with divorce ..addiction and lonliness ..a terminal illness.

I think we all in our lifes sooner or later come across something we call despair. Maybe not as grand in the headlines as in earthquakes ..tsunamies ..wars and the likes ..more quieter ..like a more privat loss of some kind /may it have been a patient ..or a beloved career, a partner ..a loved one. It can also be the loss of Hope or Joy, meanng and purpose ..and suddenly we find ourselves after much struggle – loud or quietly - eye to eye with despair ..eye to eye with not knowing what to do. For many Christmas and ThanksGiving can be such a time where we come eye to eye with our lonliness, grief and tears; inescapable it comes every year.

And around and into those moments of despair is what those 2 lessons are trying to speak to. The Gospel in no uncertain terms tells us that life can be bad / very bad ..and if we think its bad ..it can come worse. Life is not like a sight seeing trip .. like the deciples admire what they see .. it can be bad ..desolete ..lonly and full of pain and injustice! But this is just one side ..though a side that must be seen, faced, acknowledge ..like good Friday ..before the other side ..the end of the story ..Easter …can unfold. And that Easter we hear in the lesson of Isaiah.

Isaiah 65:17-25

For I am about to create new heavens

and a new earth;

the former things shall not be remembered

or come to mind.

But be glad and rejoice forever

in what I am creating;

for I am about to create Jerusalem as a joy,

and its people as a delight.

I will rejoice in Jerusalem,

and delight in my people;

no more shall the sound of weeping be heard in it,

or the cry of distress.

No more shall there be in it

an infant that lives but a few days,

or an old person who does not live out a lifetime;

for one who dies at a hundred years will be considered a youth,

and one who falls short of a hundred will be considered accursed.

They shall build houses and inhabit them;

they shall plant vineyards and eat their fruit.

They shall not build and another inhabit;

they shall not plant and another eat;

for like the days of a tree shall the days of my people be,

and my chosen shall long enjoy the work of their hands.

They shall not labor in vain,

or bear children for calamity;

for they shall be offspring blessed by the LORD--

and their descendants as well.

Before they call I will answer,

while they are yet speaking I will hear.

The wolf and the lamb shall feed together,

the lion shall eat straw like the ox;

but the serpent-- its food shall be dust!

They shall not hurt or destroy

on all my holy mountain, says the LORD.

There will be justice …there will be peace ….there will be joy and Love!

No story ends with despair ..despair is not the last thing, it might feel like it ..it might taste like it and it might look like it. Jesus felt it and we feel it! And in the same way Jesus surrendered to the will of God we can do that too …we can surrender all those feelings and emotions to God. And when we do that ..when we really let go of all that brought or pushed us to that place of despair a sudden transition takes place ..it comes quietly ..bits and pieces of silence ..and peace ..like first light after a very dark night.

If we don’t let God into those places ..things will not change ….so in regards to the upcoming Christmas/Holiday season …. Let God into your lonliness ..into all the pain and memories ..let God walk you through it ……step by step ..and you will feel bits and pieces of silence and peace and once God walked you through, the despair will be gone!, peace will have steped into its place.

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982.

Being a Mom Means experiencing moments of Great beauty, amazing tenderness, sticky kisses and a miracle or two all in a single day.

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We're doing THIS project this year (along with our gratitude box that we started a few years ago.)

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He's into......

Orgami Yoda "the popular" book (he made about 100 of them) by looking the how to video up on You Tube

Long Hair (god help me)

The Lightning Thief Series of books.

Harry Potter the movies.

and a story...... Trevor, when you went to give me a hug the other night before you were getting ready for bed it was the best thing ever (I don't get a lot of hugs from my big boy anymore). Anyway, it was a super LONG hug and I wasn't letting go. As I squeezed tight, I could feel, there just wasn't an ounce of baby in you left, you are so big. Promise me, that you'll never stop hugging your Mom.....

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Spending a lot of time in Lowe's today after church. Scoping out some Christmas gear (new LED lights) and supplies and paint for our downstairs bathroom remodel next weekend-Exciting!

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Today.

The third annual Maine Down Syndrome Network conference.

This year our teachers were there (Breanna's K teacher, special Ed teacher, OT and Gym teacher!). Inspiring as always. Susan Shapiro's workshop on Friendships was amazing, I could have listened to her all day. We have a LONG way to go.

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Life is Difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. Once we truly know that life is difficult--once we truly understand and accept it--then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters."

-M. Scott Peck

A story.

The other day, I was in volunteering in Breanna's classroom. When the kids went off to gym class I stayed behind with Cherie (Breanna's Aide in the classroom) and she was showing me some of the things Breanna was doing (writing, her using a timer etc...). When I went to leave, Cherie suddenly put her hand to her chest and tears started welling up in her eyes and she said, "I just LOVE your daughter, I can't explain it, but just being with her is an awesome experience, I look forward to my everyday.....I just feel like she is such a blessing." Now there are so many hard things about having a child with Down Syndrome....making our way through the major language delay, the extra patience needed to teach things, the lack of Independence, thinking about the future, shorter lifespan, loneliness, medical needs etc.... There is a lot of sadness, and sometimes envy, there is a heavy weight on my shoulders. There is a lot of thinking and saying "it is so unfair". But, having a child that just touches everyone they meet, from the librarian, to the gym teacher, the kids in the school , therapists, bus driver, etc, etc.....it is an amazing blessing. A child, who, with all her limitations, has the capacity to bring out the best in people. Everywhere we go, everyone "knows" Bre. She is a part of something so much bigger than the rest of us are. She has so much to teach the world. And That, is what I take with me to get through these times. Thank you Cherie, and Thank you Breanna for letting me share my life with yours.

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Instructions for living a life. Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it. ~Mary Oliver

I'm sad today is over. It was just one of those days where I stopped and payed attention, where I wish I had videotaped the little things and the stuff the kids said so I could replay them over and over in my mind.

We took a long walk in the woods and discovered an "I love this place" in a pit with some mud and rock walls.

Trevor made up a long story on the way home that he will write down "someday"

We discovered that acorns float sometimes and it's really cool to watch them flow down a stream (but sticks and leaves don't work as well).

We brought back big leaves and sticks and acorns

We made turkeys out of our handprints

We made really good hot chocolate (using real melted chocolate)

We read books and looked at toy catalogs

Trevor was singing some alphabet song that Gammie taught him ALL DAY

We decided that we wanted our own typewriter (Gammie do you have one?)

We played "Harry potter" outside and made magic wands out of some sticks that we picked up on our walk

We listened to Pandora radio all day

We made a leaf pile and jumped in it

We played blocks by the fire

We had warm taco soup for dinner

We rode bikes in the circle after dark

WE soaked our feet and rubbed backs before bed.

Someone decided that he "learned more at home" than he did in school (I don't think so)

I love days off with nothing else to do.

Thank You. (God Bless our troops)

Pause the Music below.

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And we came home th THIS on Monday. Apparently the wind was pretty bad around here over the weekend. (Those are roots to trees that were ripped out of the ground in our back woods).

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Grand parenting is not about repeating what you did as a parent, it is about embracing the values and beliefs that your children have for parenting their children....

-Jeanne Lausure

Weekend at the grandparents.

There is nothing better (or more relaxing) for children, than (a little) time away from Mom and Dad. Thanks Mom and Dad.....for taking them bowling, and for walks, for remembering to put on their shoes:), and taking the time to show them about the things you love, They'll never forget it.

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Last night......getting ready for our last night out with Ben and Jess in the city. What a fabulous time-Thank you guys so much! Today......

The LONG drive home (and we can't wait to see the kids!!)

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The details (in his words).

• Walked WAAAY too much around Manhattan on Sat before the race - my legs hurt so bad sitting in Times Square at the end of the day.
• Awesome pasta dinner at Angelo's of Mulberry in Little Italy on Sat.
• "Practicing" the drive to the IZOD center on Sat night - twice..
• Waking Cindy up at 4:45 so she could drop me off at the IZOD center to get the bus to Staten Island.
• Walking from the bus drop off in the cold darkness and seeing the Verrazano Bridge as a backdrop of the athlete village.
• After seeing the Verrazano Bridge, seeing the mobile Dunkin Donuts truck was equally as exciting.
• The excitement of being called to the wave 1 start and entering the corral.
• The news helicopters circling above minutes before the start just thinking about how many people were watching at that moment.
• Climbing the Verrazano Bridge to start the race - what a rush (though I did start out a little faster than I should have and paid for it in Central Park)
• The 30 or so guys peeing 2 miles into the race on the bridge - and some other guy stopping to turn around and take a picture - NICE!
• Brooklyn
• Queens
• The (*^$(#)& Queensborough Bridge.
• The amazing greeting making the turn onto First Ave in Manhattan - if that doesn't get you excited something is wrong with you.
• More people than I have ever seen in my life cheering the runners on all the way up First Ave into the Bronx.
• A quick mile or so in the Bronx and then back to Manhattan into Central Park.
• Lots of pain around mile 22 just thinking that I still had 4 miles to go.
• Forgot about the pain in Central Park south approaching Columbus Circle - so many people cheering - WOW!!
• Finally, the finish line - 3:55
• ... then the hardest part of the entire day. The walk after the race to get my checked bag and FINALLY exiting Central Park on 89th street wondering if I could stand up any longer. I swear that was a 1 1/2 mile walk.
• A quick subway ride to Port Authority then a bus back to NJ and I was back in my hotel room....
• ... to get ready for an awesome dinner with Ben/Jess in Manhattan.
• After a great dinner, we packed up Mon AM and headed back to pick the kids up in MA (we missed them so much - but liked eating out 3 nights in a row :) )

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The details. (in my own words)

• The day before the race (we probably walked around too much-but how could you not.)
• The enormity of this place is overwhelming at first
• the quick bus ride from our hotel (12-15 mins)
• shopping and seeing the sights
• Loving FAO Schwartz and the Lego store and missing the kids.
• Time Square and Rockefeller Center
• "A symphony of diversity"
• Figuring out the subway
• Angelo's on Mulberry street (the BEST Italian food ever)
• How all the restaurants downtown could use a little more elbow room
• "resting" in Time square
• Finding the drop off spot
• The cheesecake
• always going the wrong way when we got off the subway
• Not going to the race, but loving every minute of relaxing in the hotel, tracking the runners online and watching it on TV
• An amazing Dinner and night out in the city with Jess and Ben (thank You) and the $25 bottles of wine.
• The nice man who helped us not miss the last bus of the night back to the hotel.
• Seeing the kids (and getting lots of Hugs and kisses) after three days away.
• Coming home and having a week off of running (And J just signed up for his next race!)

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The kids are dropped off at Gammie's house, we're here in NYC and we're getting ready for the big race day!

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Leaving........

tomorrow bound for the NYC marathon this Sunday! Bre's teacher helped her make this sign at school, don't they look excited for their Dad?

funny.

Inspiration for Your lunch.

This woman has 5 kids 5 and under......

and writes.....

The truth is though, it IS hard to be a mother. It isn't an easy job because I think it's 24/7 emotionally and physically demanding, and we have our hearts at stake from the time we see that little double line on the pregnancy test, to the time we...well, leave this earth. It's 24/7 for the REST OF OUR LIVES...in different ways of course..maybe the physical demands of the early years taper off while the emotional demands grow...the dance of keeping hold while letting go permeates into our days slowly as theses little ones become teenagers, then adults.

And some days I find myself complaining about so much...and not even out loud, but in my head...my brain and heart sometimes feel like there is NOT enough of me. The house that only stays straightened for minutes, the meals I never really get to enjoy, the fact that I am always, always NEEDED. I could go on and on...and I don't think I could really stop till I am dead in the ground. I could always find something to complain about if I wanted to, right?

I once read an article about how changing the words from "I have to" to "I get to" works for just about everything. It's a magic switch. I try this when I remember to and it really does work for everything and my mind immediately flips from that of a complaining, negative spirit to one of gratefulness and really, pure joy that I GET to be alive, I GET to call these children mine, I GET to feed them, I GET to watch them grow, I GET to create a loving, safe, beautiful environment for all of us to be together. And yes, that might mean that I GET to awaken at 6:30 am to fix sandwiches, I GET to wipe a toddler's bottom for the umpteenth time in my life, and I GET to sweep the kitchen floor. The alternative being what? I don't want anything to do with that alternative.

When I think of not being here to do those things, or not have the children to do these things for, my heart breaks. I want to be grateful for every day I get to mother these five wonderful children of mine. They truly are a gift to me...they have given me way more than I could ever return.

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Trevor: "Mom....You know the best thing about it being THIS cold..." (notice, no winter coat needed yet, but the hat is OK)

Me: What's that?

Trevor: "You won't get a brain freeze"

You gotta love 8 year old boys....

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Welcome November.....the season of thankfulness.

Our professional family photo session didn't exactly work out this year, BUT we ended up with these:) I was so busy setting up outfits and cameras I totally forgot about makeup for me! Oh, well, even though most of the leaves were already down and it was windy and cold, I still love these, and it's our fall tradition!

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Halloween 2010

We remember:

How we were the first one's out in the neighborhood

How it was so cold out, our hands were numb

Prince Caspian, Thomas the train and Spiderman (who lost the mask after one house)

digging into the candy when we got home

Our neighbor Sharon with her rolling wagon of Cosmo's and stuffed bread (LOVE her!)

Trevor getting to go out alone with a friend (and his much older sister) after we headed home to watch the rest of the game (go Pats!)

Josh actually admitting he like Halloween (for a second)

Breanna and Lucas saying, "trick or treat"

LOVING our warm fire when we got home.

Telling scary stories in bed with flashlights (a new tradition)

Planning our haunted house for next year.

How fun it is to have little kids (and to be one too!)